I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
They took my balls.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
