i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i now understand why vodka
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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