Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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