Did you just see the Batmobile???
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The beer is more important than you right now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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