I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
