Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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