it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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