What a fucking waste of an outfit
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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