Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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