Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
