I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Drake has all the answers
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
