I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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