Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
