cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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