walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
