Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
