you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
