Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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