Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
