If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
