the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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