I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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