No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
40s are totally the cure
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
