Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
