She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
