ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
