You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
