It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
