fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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