Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
