He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
