i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
