I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
