Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
