Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
