): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We are all done wearing pants today
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
