I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
