8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
