I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
