That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
