you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
whose parrot is this?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
