i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
