I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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