Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
