a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
