Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
