so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
