have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
