My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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