Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
