standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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