Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
