just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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