Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
